Good news...I've escaped, and the demons are gone

Has it really been 5 months since I have posted anything? Oh yeah....I have been wasting any and all of my free time on Facebook. So I will attempt to catch you up to speed....I have escaped from the prison and am currently again working for the insurance company doing in-home assessments on patients. This is not necessarily my dream job, but I actually enjoy it because I have the flexibility to work my schedule around my kids schedules, and it pays well, so all is good on the job front for now..... Moving on to the demons.....


I feel I must mention some sort of disclaimer before beginning this story, so here goes....I consider my self a Christian even though I do not attend church regularly like I should, and do tend to have a sailor's mouth sometimes, but generally I feel like I am a good person,I believe in God and Jesus Christ, and I try not to be overly judgemental, especially of other peoples religious beliefs, etc.....(Translation don't bother commenting about how un-Christian this post is, I jest about it because quite frankly I was very concerned and in fact a little scared...)

Ok, moving on......In this current job I have seen all sorts of things, and been in all sorts of houses, including, but not limited to a 70 something year old man who pulled up in a conversion van, got out in his three piece purple suit with a flower in his lapel who proceeded to play his electric guitar for me after our visit (I had truly never seen someone who so well fit the description of "pimp"), I have gotten stuck in a pt.'s yard and had the pt. out in the pouring rain trying to get my car unstuck, I have been inside a camper where the pt. and I basically sit with out knees touching because it was that small, and I have actually even been left alone at a patient's house while he went to deliver something he cooked to his church and insisted I stay there because he would be right back, and proceeded to hand me the remote control to the tv, so little at this point surprises me. I am also accustomed to some of my religious patients asking if they can say a prayer for me or if I will pray with them, however......

Let me set the scene. Pull up to 1st visit run down appearing trailer, overwhelming foul smell when I walk in the door, manage to get thru seeing pt. and pt.'s wife (although I am concerned I will have that "smell" when I leave...) go to 2nd visit.....which is a strange looking little man - and when I say little it is hard to explain he looked almost like a "little person", but he was taller than a "little person" - maybe 4'11 or 5 foot. He also has long hair and a beard (not sure how that is relevant, but just so you know) and the smell is about twice as bad - to the point I am honestly willing myself not to gag. There is about 7 cats, and a dog, no electricity, no refrigerator, and no running water I later learn, so needless to say I am doing this visit as quickly as possible, sitting on the edge of my seat and trying to get out. I am always professional and nice and polite regardless of any one's living arrangements or situations (because I realize honestly some cannot help it) so I finish this visit, and am gathering my stuff in an attempt to run for the door, when he says.....

"Can I say a word of prayer with you?" well, what do I say to that? so I say yes, sure....he asks me to sit down so I again perch on the edge of the couch - he stands up and starts to pray and before I know what has happened this man has his hands on my forehead and in my hair (at this point there are numerous thoughts running through my head....such as...OMG, OMG, this man has his hands in my hair, he has no running water when is the last time he washed his hands, Was he on any psych meds?, How in the hell do I get myself in these situations?) This prayer keeps getting stranger and stranger and longer and longer, when he begins to rock my head back and forth and then say do you feel that? That is not me doing that - that is the holy ghost moving your spirit, - At that point I begin to get concerned, when the prayer goes on and turns toward Satan being cast away and the demons releasing my soul quite frankly I am getting very nervous (the thoughts are now along the line of ...Ok, I think I can take him, the front door is not far, how long will it take them to find my body if he cuts it up in pieces? are there any sharp objects near by?) By the time the undecipherable chanting starts - along the lines of oombagadwah, algabajwah - I am past the pointing of caring about being rude, being judgemental, or in any way offending him - I am more concerned when getting the hell out of this place. When he finally takes his hands off me (which seemed like 10 minutes later - was probably closer to 3) I jump up grab my bag and tell him thanks, He says I really feel like I need to touch your ears and do more healing, I said "NO, thanks I appreciate it, but I have to go see another patient and then I pretty much run out the door with him following along behind me saying how do I get in touch with you if I need you? I am thinking - Are you serious? Like I am going to give this man any way to contact me? I tell him call the insurance company if he needs anything insurance related. He proceeds to follow me out telling me he hopes he didn't offend me with his prayer (No, you just scared the hell out of me, but you didn't offend me...) He was probably still talking when I slammed the car door and sped off.....

Husband thought this was hilarious, and mom's quote was along the lines of "thank God someone finally got the demons out of you..." thanks for the concern about my safety and well being...although I may make sure I keep his address the teenage drama queen may need some demons cast out of her, her head does spin around sometimes....

Incarcerated

Talk about your severe case of blog neglect...Almost two months since I have posted? Really.......wow, time flies......when you have become a facebook addict especially....in addition to whacking mobsters I have recently began farming at Farm Town which is hilarious considering I have a black thumb and could not keep a plant alive if my life depended on it.....

I guess there has not been much blog worthy...Actually been kinda cranky/snarky/just plan bit**y lately....These past two months have survived my computer being out of commission, multiple ballgames, a week without drama queen while she was as at swim camp staying in the dorms at a major university, stepson's wedding and a new job, hence the blog title....

Tomorrow I began my new position as a nurse practitioner at a women's correctional facility, which means yes, I will be locked up..... Very stressed out about this, have honestly been drinking all day thinking about it (and I have completely depleted our liquor supply since it is Sunday and in Arkansas liquor stores are not open....) - Nothing like staring a new job hung over, huh? I am not afraid of working in a prison it is the whole culture shock....no worrying about what cute necklace/earrings to wear because I will have to go thru a metal detector, so really what's the point? Can't take my cell phone in so no communication with my kids at all - which yes may sound like a god send, but makes it difficult for me to arrange the days event's and check on them.....Plus, as spoiled as this sounds I honestly have not worked 40 hours a week in probably ten years, and am not looking forward to it - in the hierarchy of my life my kids come first and a job honestly just pays the bills -so have actually considered selling everything I own to try to just live on one salary, but crap those kids like to eat, and we all like to take hot showers, so.......7am -5:30pm four days a week here I come (plus an hour drive one way..) Yippee!!!!

There were a few brief funny highlights over the past couple months I will share so this post is not a total downer......

Alex: (as we are in Mississippi passing the casinos including a sign for Paula Deen's restaurant...on our way to a swim meet in Tunica, MS) Wow, that's cool does Paula Deen live here?
Me: No, she just has a restaurant here kinda like a chain type thing
Alex: oh, we aren't in Arkansas anymore are we?
Me: Uh, NO (thinking when we crossed the big Memphis bridge into Tennessee this might have clued her in...) Dorothy we aren't in Kansas anymore......

Jackson :(After being told to clean out his drawers of clothes that no longer fit him...) Here these are some Dixie Dukes they don't fit no more...
Me & Alex: Huh, Dixie Dukes?
Jackson: Yeah, you know they are too short
Us: Yeah, OK got ya....

Will let y'all now how the prison thing goes - should at least have lots of interesting stories to tell huh?

Oops, forgot the absolute best "Alexism" while farming on FarmTown the other day....

Alex: Why don't you put your horses together with your donkeys?
Me: Because I don't want to mix my horses and donkeys.....
Alex: Do horses and donkeys make honkeys? With COMPLETE straight face and serious look...
Me: (Laughing hysterically) Are you serious?
Alex: What?
Me: Please don't ask that around just anyone......

mafia,grandma, and child abandonment

Well, no new posts lately because I have been busy playing mafia wars with life and such.....I must admit that after the last post I began to harbor a borderline (ok who am I kidding- real) obsession with that game....I honestly woke up in the middle of the night one night and thought well, I could get up and make sure no one has attacked me, or tried to rob me......and I will admit that I did have a fleeting thought maybe women weren't made to be mobsters when I got my feelings hurt the first time I was attacked by a random person......Now, I am waaaaay over that....I have been killed a few times (although I must say justly so because after robbing one guy of over a million dollars what can ya expect...) now, when somone puts a hit on me I just put on my big girl panties and throw one right back at em with a big 'ole bounty to make sure they get whacked fast.....Moving on.....

As a hinderence to my gaming, my grandmother fell last Wed. about 3:00am, managed to crawl/drag herself to the phone and call my mom who then.....went to her house, couldn't get her up, called an ambulance, sat at the ER for hours, followed the ambulance on her transfer to the MED in Memphis (broken scapula and 3 broken ribs - transferred because of her age and risk of pneumonia...), and now we have both been trying to make sure someone is at the visitations, since my mom is an only child, as am I -( for any observant ones my brothers are half-brothers)
this has meant basically her driving over there everyday and sitting and waiting to see her for a hour every four hours.....I have also been everyday except this weekend....They are now trying to possibly send her to a rehab facility for a few weeks although at this point she is so confused and disoriented from the pain meds we have to get that straightened out before a rehab will take her - so this is taking up a large portion of my days...While sitting in the waiting room I asked mom if she thought they would mind if I played a little mafia wars on the visitor's computer, but she didn't think it was a good idea (spoil sport)....

I also had approximately 3 million things it felt like I needed to be doing today (call and beg swim camp to take my children even though I missed the posted deadline of having my registration sent in by Friday, call and harass Entergy because I have not received anything on the microwave,tv, Wii, PS2, ceiling fans, and wireless router that were damaged from a outage/power surge incident back in March, and oh yeah did I mention do my taxes?!?)

So in keeping with the madness I receive a phone call about 3:35 this afternoon from my friend Milena, who teaches at son's elementary school that went something like this:

M: Are you coming to pick up your kid?
me: Uh, No, he hasn't been picked up? (since I am currently an hour away at hospital in Memphis)
M: Nope, he is standing here with me
me: Oh, crap I thought my MIL was picking him up
M: well, it's ok I will take him with me
me: I guess that probably means my other kid has not been picked up either.....Mind going to the jr.high too?
M: No, I'll get her

How great was that? She saved my life, I owe her one......:) I'll buy Hunter all the Coke Zeros he wants from now on, girl.......

Of course when I tried to call drama queen to tell her Mrs. Milena would be picking her up she will not answer her cell phone....I call the jr. high and tell the secretary who will be picking her up and she is on her way and the secretary says "well, ok but I don't see her standing around?" so then I start to freak a little and think who in the hell but me could loose a 13yr. old?.....about 5 minutes later she calls to say "Mom, is there a reason no one has picked me up?" Apparently she had borrowed a cell phone from a teacher to call me since she isn't allowed to have one at school she wouldn't answer or use the one in her pocket (that she gets to carry for "emergencies") go figure what might constitute an emergency since apparently getting abandoned at school doesn't count.......

Guess I better go for now and play more mafia wars do my taxes....more soon.....

Joining the mafia

Not a lot new around here....Drama Queen wore the two piece (with board shorts) so I let her "win" that battle....One of my best friends from high school called me out on that and won me over (she made me feel REALLY old :) thanks C) but I probably would have broke down and let her wear it anyway because let's get real here folks (having been a 13 yr. old awhile ago OK a long while, I know the first thing I probably would have done was "borrow" a two piece from my friend), so as not to encourage deceit and lying I gave in..... Friend pointed out I should pick my battles and since I am sure there are so many more to come I guess I will concede to fight another day........I am currently speaking to Drama Queen on an as needed basis only because she hurt my feelings/made me mad b/c she did NOT call me while she was gone after telling me she would call me EVERYDAY.....I gave in and called her once and she was rude and short on the phone (knowing I could not ground/beat her from that far away) so I refused to call her (cause I'm real mature like that) - I still at the age of 35 talk to my mother AT least once a day (call me a mommas baby if you like....) and so I do not think this was unreasonable so I could make sure things were going well, she was OK, and having a good time, etc.....I was only asking for maybe a few minutes before she went to bed or something......I will probably forgive her after she grovels for a few days.....

I did go back to work (YAY!) doing the contract job for an insurance company - so at least it is income, unfortunately that leaves me less time to do important things like sit and read blogs, play on the computer, etc......However, I have found time for my latest obsession which is Mafia Wars on facebook....This is highly addictive folks.....Anyone who knows me well knows I have an inner gangsta anyway......( I mean where else can I become a slumlord, rob a pimp, and steal a car all in one day?) So when I asked husband to help me think of a good mafia name he says "Girls don't join the mafia, haven't you ever watched the Godfather?" To which I replied "Well, maybe there are girl gangsters - they just don't get caught and that's why you don't hear about them...." How sexist is that? (Making me all the more determined to be the "best gangster" I can be....)So anybody got any name suggestions for me? It has to be feminine, yet tough.....

what's worse than swimsuit shopping?

No, I wasn't thinking of going to the gynecologist and dentist the same day (although that probably tops swimsuit shopping) That would be swimsuit shopping with a teenager...For anyone who has not done this it may very well be one of the circles of hell......Drama Queen got invited to go to the beach with a friend next weekend for spring break (man, I wish I had friends like that...) so this of course requires a small shopping trip for a couple of pair of shorts and a new swimsuit.....Her daddy would very much prefer any swimsuits involving her look similar to this...

Which is a pretty far stretch from the cute little bikini she wants from Aeropostale....Last year we had major drama when she got invited to a friends birthday party which was being held at a water park....She of course wanted to wear her bikini (which her daddy let her have with the understanding it was to be worn only in our pool or around girlfriends....NOT in public...) it turned into a full fledged meltdown that involved tears, cries of becoming a social outcast (yeah, we hear that one a lot), etc.....After the final ultimatum of you wear a one-piece or you are not going, she sucked it up and wore it.....Then when I dropped her off I swear to god every other girl there (probably 8-10) had on a damn bikini (proving apparently she was gonna be a social outcast - but, oh well what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....) all these other girls who come from "good" families and a few whose parents I would have thought would have actually been more conservative than me...Now I know the whole if everybody else jumped off a bridge thing, but I did realize when I saw all the other girls maybe we were a little too strict on this....and who really wants there kid to be the one sticking out like a sore thumb (can you believe I, a 35 year old am falling for the peer pressure?)

So here we go to the mall...I let her try on the bikini and make her try on the only one piece in the store which is a "monokini" - the crazy thing is to me the monokini looks more obscene then the plain ole' bikini...Yes it does have a little more fabric and the stomach is covered, but the way it cuts in on the sides is just suggestive or something - I don't know it is just kinda weird to me....I think her daddy's biggest problem is not only is she growing up, but she actually looks pretty good in a bikini (of course, who wouldn't when they are a freaking size 0 and haven't had 3 kids, and stretch marks that look like a roadmap of China) which of course means evil hormonal teenage boys would be looking at his baby.....so I let her get the bikini and tell her she has to try it on for her daddy (Hey, if he could try and make me look bad over the offering to buy new cheerleading tryout shoes, this is the least I can do - payback is hell ain't it...)

We get home, and I tell her to go ahead and try it on for him. He immediately says if it has to be tried on for him, he knows he probably ain't gonna like it...So she parades into the living room and he looks at her and then at me (kinda like I have two horns growing out of my head or I am the antichrist) and says "I cannot believe your momma would buy that for you, and where is it you think you are gonna wear it?" So I try and do some damage control, and say "well, you know she is going to the beach so she plans on wearing it there?" Again, I get the look from him....She gives me the "help, I know I am sinking look," and I am caught between the two...I mean he can be pretty old school at times - don't even get me started on that freaky music he makes us listen to that gags us all at times....but I too am stuck with the realization that yes, members of the male gender will be checking out my baby.....So what to do? I am not really sure - the tags are still on the bikini and I am torn....Words of wisdom would be appreciated in a prompt manner since she leaves on Thursday....

This brings home what people say about "boys are easier"...Yep, deciding I agree on that one - cause hopefully I will never have to deal with one of the boys wanting a bikini (or we will have much bigger problems than the bikini apparently....)

To Serve and Protect - NOT

I know the suspense has been killing ya right?.......OK, here it is just one of the many humilating stories in my life.....Rewind back to approximately 1996 - I decided after I got my Bachelor's degree in Criminology (no, I don't know what the he** I was thinking when I picked a major and no I was not under the influence of any substance at the time) I wanted to be a detective, and no I cannot even blame it on the Law & Order or CSI craze because those shows weren't even on back then...(this is of course long after the original dream of being an FBI agent was squashed by getting married and having a child - which was not actually squashed by those two events more so the thought of having to go to Quantico, VA and leave said baby for months along with relocate to god knows where after completion of training - if by some miracle I passed..) So that dream revised.....Since we live in a small rural town you don't just go work at a police department here and be a detective you have to work your way up (which I didn't really think sounded like fun...) So hubby (who at the time was a police officer) suggested the fastest way for me to move up would be in a big department, such as the Memphis PD.


I think about this and think Well, why not? So I call them, and start the process. Get the little info pack then move on to step 2 which is a "physical fitness test" scheduled on a Sat. morning - read what all it entails and am thinking if some big overweight donut eating guy or squirrely lil' Barney Fief guy (don't ya just love that sterotype...) can do it surely I can.... So off I go on my big adventure....Get there and it is pretty crowded, have to wait in line and go thru various stations like a grip strength test and some other easy stuff....On to the gym - a.k.a site of my public humiliation...


The obstacle course from what I can remember and haven't blocked out with my post-traumatic stress went something like: Running around the entire circumference of the gym twice - while successfully navigating several obstacles like: a 4-5 ft. (which seemed like 10 ft. ) high balance beam you were supposed to scale over, a set of like 8 tires in a row you had to run through, a huge wooden box like structure about 3-4 ft. high you had to get over, a set of stairs you had to run up and down, then another padded structure you had to climb/jump up on run down and jump off of. This was timed and you received a time penalty if you skipped something....


So lets start with the balance beam (since that was the very first obstacle I came to)- yeah, the first time around I actually attempted this (which got several men laughing so uncontrollably I felt like I was Richard Pryor at the Appollo these people were laughing so hard at me) picture my scrawny little Olive Oyl arms with no upper body strength attempting this - after the third attempt which I swear to God left me hanging upside down underneath the damn thing the instructor looked at me pitifully and with disdain and said "just go around it".....(I have flash backs to Full Metal Jacket and the sarge yelling "do you think god is gonna miracle your a** up there Pyle?") so I keep going - ace the tire thing then stumble through and some how manage to get over the wooden obstacle , up and down the stairs (at this point I am panting like a dog but determined to get through this) and over the last obstacle....


YAY me, - oh snap, there is that whole second time around thing right? Yeah, and at the end of this one I get to drag a 150 lb. dummy x number of feet in the middle of the gym....So lap 2 I am gasping for air at this point - ain't even gonna attempt that freaking balance beam - just run on around it and back thru all that other crap ( I am sure this was extremely disappointing to my fans who were still trying to catch their breath from laughing at the first attempt) - I am thinking what a way this is gonna be to go when I have a heart attack right here in the middle of the Memphis Police Academy gym surrounded by people laughing their butts off at me.....To say I have a "stitch" in my side is putting it mildly - I can only imagine at this point I look like RainMan running and stumbling....I am looking around for EMT's and maybe a tank of oxygen.....Since God apparently has a sense of humor, I somehow make it thru all the crap and manage to drag that stupid dummy past the stupid x on the floor. I leave there knowing that there is no way I will ever be seeing the inside of this place again as long as I live (and not disappointed in the least) I have never in my life had "lung burn" so bad - it hurt incredibly to breathe whether it was thru my nose (when I could stop panting) or gasping thru my mouth... After a phone call home to describe how I did (which I believe hubby had the nerve to actually snort as he laughed at me) I called a friend just to let her get her jolly's at my expense too (because really what are friends for?). But wait - this is the funniest part of the story..... (I think I just snorted from laughing while I type this...)


They called me a couple of weeks later and wanted to know when I wanted to come for my interview?!?......


Umm, yeah, right.....How 'bout somewhere along the lines of pigs flying and ice-skating in hell? Guess there must really be something to departments having to hire minorites (me being a white woman applying for the Memphis PD) so there you have it folks you don't have to thank me, but trust me if any of ya'll shop, or travel to Memphis you are probably MUCH safer this way.....

Standing on the soapbox

First of all must say we survived hell week, Drama Queen made cheerleader again (in spite of the spray painted shoes - which yes, she wore) prior to this however, on Wednesday of last week I get the note that really gets me going about the whole BMI thing (for anyone reading this not in Arkansas this is a state law here from when our previous governor lost a bunch of weight, got healthy and decided he would "save" all the state's children from the horror's of childhood obesity....)

This royally ticks me off.....I have never liked it, but with Drama Queen it hasn't been a real big deal because she is skinny (although funny thing is she has been "borderline" on a few reports before.....But, now enter my sweetheart...My 8yr. old son who is very self conscious about his "baby fat" no matter how many pictures I have shown him of Drama Queen at his age (with her cute little chubby cheeks) it is very hard for him to believe that a growth spurt is coming, and he will slim up as he grows taller....I would have never thought I would have an 8 yr. old son who stresses about "being fat". He is constantly pinching his belly and saying I am so fat, mom can I go on a diet?" (of course this is frequently followed up by a Little Debbie - which I am guilty of having in the snack drawer - so he isn't too serious about it....)So when I get the note that 2nd grade BMI's will be done Friday (last week) I promptly call the school to find out if a note will suffice to get him out of this or should I just keep him home from school? I was advised just send a note. One thing that irritates me about this is that the letter talks about how this is a new mandatory state law and never once mentions you could send a note if you didn't agree with this....So most parents either a.) don't care or b.) didn't realize you could do this.....

Do I really need a school nurse to weigh my kid and then get an official report in the mail telling me his BMI - Do I want one? H*ll to the no....Get for real people....first of all funny to me how this is such a priority but a few years ago they took away their second recess to add more classroom time (now, how 'bout ya'll but I remember running around the playground and playing when I was a kid - which I am quite sure burned a few calories.....) They only get like 15-20 minutes a recess per day now I believe, and PE what - once a week? Secondly, do you think any undereducated or poverty level parents really comprehend this or this is a priority? Just a fine example of stupid government bureaucrat BS in my personal opinion......and what about body image? Even though this is supposed to be "completely confidential" and even if no other kid sees what another one weighs, does someone who already thinks they are fat need to see a big number on the scale to make them feel any more miserable? Bet this would end real quick if all the administration and teachers had to do it too...... (Not to dis any of my teacher friends, but I bet some would be ticked - I would be if I had to do it - and I am skinny - it just ain't nobody's business what ya weigh - that is just down right rude to ask.......)

My last thought on that being weight is not necessarily an indicator of "fitness" as I said I am blessed to be tall and am slender, however, I am no more fit than someone larger than me....Drama Queen drug me to the gym two weeks ago and I truly felt like I was gonna puke after 25 minutes on the elliptical in fact came home and laid out on the couch red faced, panting like a dog, sweaty and such. I tried the Wii fit stuff Kaye does and it even kicked my butt...On that note, stay tuned for a hilarious story when I work my nerve up to tell ya'll about my physical fitness test for the Memphis Police Academy years ago ( I had actually forgotten repressed, blocked out the memory until husband brought it up one day (CB you should remember this...) let's just say there is a reason I ain't a cop people.....

Hell week...

That is what we lovingly call this week at our house which is the week of - cheerleading tryouts....It is stress and drama and I ain't even the one trying out (although I did years ago when I was in school and was always overwhelmingly rejected - and see I survived - with very few emotional scars) I may have survived seemingly unscathed because my best friends were always cheerleader rejects like me, (shout-out to ya CB) so I wasn't alone.....

The problem is drama queen likes cheerleading (a lot) and made the squad last year....I thought the worry last year was bad - because of the whole "what if all her friends make it and she doesn't type thing", but now I realize that this stress will continue throughout the rest of our jr.high/high school years (unless I guess the sky falls or she ever decides not to try-out) because it is now more stressful I think this year since she has been a cheerleader worrying about again if all her friends make it and she doesn't and on top of that now how bad it would be to have been a cheerleader and not make it....There is no guarantee that just because you make it once you will make it again, there have been girls in the past who have been really good cheerleaders and for some random reason not make it - (they messed up on their dance routine, or cheer etc....) So that is the current status of affairs at our household. She has handled the stress fairly well until last night when a mini-melt down occurred.......

Rewind to last years try-outs I go buy a pair of $40-50 pair of shoes for her to try-out in (because they are supposed to be solid white) which she wears, then makes the squad and we have to buy another pair of cheerleading shoes (so the whole squad has the same shoes) she then starts wearing the try-out shoes to school, to stomp in the mud, and god knows what else......Back to the present.....I see absolutely no point in buying another pair of tryout shoes because:

1. she will wear them only one day for tryouts
2. she just got a brand-new pair of tennis shoes less than a month ago
3. I am unemployed at the present
4. If she makes it then I will have to (again) buy another pair of shoes that the whole squad has to buy so they match

So I wash old shoes, buy new shoe strings, etc..- they are still a little dingy so I get the idea (yes, I am cheap) to spray paint them white because really is anybody gonna look that damn close at her shoes?

So I do, and she gives me the questioning look like are you kidding me? She doesn't say a lot and I tell her if I totally screw them up I will buy her another pair (which I have not intention on screwing up) I do this and they don't look bad, - not perfect - but not bad.......So last night she asks (all doe eyed looking) Mom, what shoes am I gonna wear for try-outs? I say "The ones I painted" The look was beyond pitiful...(Picture a mix of horror, tears, and a little oh my god you wouldn't possibly ruin my life and make me a social outcast like that would you? mixed together) Her daddy witnesses this look and goes ballistic and says Well, let me just run out and buy you a pair - shall I take off work tomorrow to do that? What else do you need - just make a list new shorts? shirt? bag? Now she immediately brightens up at this prospect - not realizing he is being totally sarcastic and snide - Then he proceeds to rant about it for the next 30 mins (I am guessing on this because after 14 years I have learned to block all his rants out - I go to the happy place in my mind when this starts and develop a blank stare) At some point she realizes he is a little less than sincere, but in continuing with the lunacy he proceeds to instruct me to make sure I go tomorrow and buy her the new shoes and deliver them to her at school before cheer practice today, and if I can't find any in town call him so he can get them before he comes home...

So now I am ticked because he has managed to make me look like the bad guy and become the hero - drama queen senses this and comes to sit by me and say Mommy are you mad at me (Mommy? yeah when is the last time I have been called that by her - she is really laying it on thick...) She then starts in with you know I have looked at them and they really don't look that bad in fact I think they look better than they did last year because they are shinier?!? Little does she know I have the market on reverse psychology cornered at our house - I am immune - so I jumped on that one and said OK good, then I won't worry about getting you anymore (HAHAHAHA - Score one for mom)...Now, before I brag too much I will say she took them to wear today to see if anybody noticed so I am not completely out of the woods, if someone makes a snide comment about them I will drive to their house and kick their butts be at Hibbett's tomorrow shelling out $40-50 for a new pair.....Wish me luck, although I am sure that if God forbid she does not make it and she wears those shoes it will be all MY fault...... Gee, I wish I had about 3 more teenage girls....

P.S. Bare with me as I play with the backgrounds on my blog a bit, Kaye (thanks!) helped me make it 3 column, but now my cute zebra pattern won't work and I haven't found one I like as much, and I still can't get my new header to work.......

God grant me serenity

I am asking for serenity, because I am guessing God will not drop off a 2liter of Benihana punch (my favorite alcoholic drink) on my doorstep....Last night 2yr. old managed to pour a whole bunch of Dawn dish washing liquid on the kitchen floor, (which we have no clue how in the world he got since it was on top of the sink - although he has turned in to quite the climber...) he got into lot of trouble for that one because his daddy got in on that action.....

This morning, while I am trying to be productive and unload/load the dishwasher, this is what he occupied his time with:

and no it is NOT puke, any guesses?

that, my friends is the result of poured out liquid paper mixed with water (the same liquid paper I have been looking for - for about a week) FYI - liquid paper does not easily wipe off the floor it merely smears around...Fresh from the Dawn incident last night, I am ticked. I spank his butt (oh yes, I am one of those spanking people) AND set him in his room on his step for a time-out (translation - small break of time for me to regain my composure and not continue spanking him). Ignorance at this point is bliss.....

I go sit down at the computer (because I now deserve some Internet time - having done my productive thing for the day - the dishes, remember?) and Jesus. Mary. Joseph. and the disciples - this is what I look up and notice....

That would be my entertainment center I did not notice he expressed his artistic ability on with the liquid paper... (they do not stand out well, but if I wasn't so lazy I would zoom in on this picture to show you the red ponytail holders holding the doors together - a previous attempt to keep him out of the doors and from emptying all the contents on the floor - really folks, believe it or not I have tried childproofing, he is either exceptionally smart or the manufacturer's are dumb because he can find his way around just about any obstacle....)

Yes, mini-Picasso got the couch too, and the TV tray, and the stereo speaker on the other side of the fireplace, and the fireplace. Not only is he talented, he is quick, too, because I was only 30 feet away in the kitchen with the door open peeking at him from time to time so I am guessing he did this in the 3.9 seconds my back was turned putting plates in the cabinet maybe?

There are reasons he still goes to the babysitter 3 days a week, even though I am not currently working....

1. my sanity

2. my gray hair he insists on adding more of

3. I am not on any medication (which at this point I am beginning to consider )

4. There are people out there (like my babysitter) who actually enjoy little kids (which at this particular moment I am not sure I do - love them yes, like them - not so much, as I try to figure out how in the he** to get liquid paper out of fabric)

5. Did I mention my sanity?

If there is a positive side to this I was thinking about that program where high school kids get dolls to take care of and thinking maybe I could make money renting him out as an abstinence program at the local high schools. He is old enough to talk, so they couldn't forget to feed him, and trust me some of those dirty diapers won't let you forget about them either - a dark cloud of odor follows around so you can't forget that....So really I think it could be beneficial to both parties....

Of course I can't call and run that by the administration because getting on the phone invites more mayhem. While telling my eventful morning to my friend on the cell phone (because really what else can he possibly do today to top the liquid paper?) he pops up in the living room with a egg in each hand. By the time I get in there to put those up he is throwing the empty milk carton away. Since I don't see the milk poured on the floor I have to ask "What did you do with the rest of the milk?" To which he shrugs and says "poured it down the sink" Well, of course you did...............................................AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!......................I may kiss the babysitter when I drop him off tomorrow....................... She is getting an awesome birthday present and Christmas gift this year for sure!

that tag is on there for a reason

No, not that stupid one on your pillows - I have no idea why that one is there....and, I know the 2yr. old is all I talk about (other than griping about drama queen sometimes) but I have to tell ya'll what he did yesterday morning.....


I turned on cartoons, as is the routine whenever you want to accomplish anything without the "help" of the 2yr. old. This does not always work, but occasionally - I guess if Max and Ruby or Dora has a truly intriguing storyline that day.....Anyway....I do this and then go to get in the shower. I leave the door open so I can hear any loud crashes or microwave explosions, and so he can come in from time to time and see what I am doing (you know, open the shower curtain and proceed to get the floor wet) also because I am smarter than hubby (who, while I was gone for the weekend shut the bathroom door while attempting his shower which totally led to the 2yr. old running amuck and "cooking" with a large pan, a spray can of butter flavored Pam spray and an entire bottle of spices - yep, that was a mess, and yep I laughed my butt off)


So he is in the bathroom with me and decides to play with the hairdryer....NEVER doubt the manual dexterity of a small child.....he turns on the hairdryer and starts blowing his hair then says "do you momma"....I know what that tag says about warning children about death by electrical shock, but I don't think the 2yr. old grasps that yet.....I am yelling at him to turn it off (before he drops it in the shower) but he can't so proceeds to bring it to me (yep, still in the shower) I manage to stick my arm out of the shower and grab a hold of it by the handle before that happens and turn it off... so lesson learned unplug the hairdryer before taking a bath/shower in a house with a 2yr. old....

Nope, it's never boring round here......

Forget pork, Motorola Razor is what's for dinner...

I will admit, I am a little (OK, maybe more than a little) scatterbrained at times. If I do not set my keys in one of two designated areas whenever I come in they are completely lost and I will spend lots of time I don't have (because remember, I am late for everything) searching for them.....So this morning my cell phone goes missing.....

The frustrating thing about this is I used it this morning.....So, I know the ringer is turned on because a friend called me on it....So, I start my normal routine of using the home phone and calling it - which doesn't work.....So, I get Drama Queen's cell phone and walk all around the house calling it, which doesn't work.....Then, I go outside to the car and call it with Drama Queen's cell phone - thinking maybe it fell between the seats when I took the 2yr old to the babysitters.....So since it hasn't rang anywhere in the house I go to the toilet to make sure (I mean - 2 yr. old has mostly quit doing that - but, hey you never know....) fortunately it wasn't there....

I go ahead and call the husband, and my mom and tell them if they need me call Drama Queen's cell cause I can't find mine.....Now, I am not that popular of a person that I get tons of cell calls, but there is something comforting about having it, in fact I feel like inevitably something bad will happen if I don't have it (sick kid at school, car crash, the possibilities are endless.....) I did not worry about this quite as much with my former beloved gas guzzling Suburban because I had OnStar, but with this crappy Camry no OnStar (but I digress....) so I am starting to get ticked (of course a few fantasies about a new phone are running thru my head, but that would cost too much...)especially since I need to make a few phone calls, but the numbers are of course stored in my cell....I finally decide 2yr. old must have taken it to the babysitters (he likes to put stuff in his pockets...)or maybe I put it in his bag by accident....So logically just call the sitter and check right? - Nope her number is stored in missing cell phone.....So I have to call mom to call her mom (you can tell by now I am really having fun) but it doesn't seem to be there either.....

By this time I am thinking about all the stuff on my phone I will have to try to get again since it is just so obviously gone...(all the numbers that will have to be stored after of course I get half the numbers again...) and I know being an intelligent person with a college degree that it did not grow legs and walk off.....so for some strange reason (like when you have exhausted all possibilities looking for something and start looking the dumb places like the refrigerator) I pick up the lid on my pot on the coffee table (who knew the 2yr. old really only wanted a set of Kitchen Aid pots and pans for Christmas - not all those toys and crap...) and there of course is my cell phone. Apparently, cell service does not work inside metal pots with lids.....Obviously 2yr. old was once again taking care of tonight's dinner plans....Thanks again, son for that little bit of crazy we call "life at our house" this morning......

P.S. For those of you who have been trying to leave me comments I have totally jacked something up and I have no idea what I have done or better yet how in the he** to fix it, I have this cute new header I made and all kinds of fancy stuff to dress the blog up a little and none of it will work either, so keep trying to comment maybe at some point I will get it fixed, cause I do so enjoy ya'll's comments.....

P.S.S. I think I fixed it - You can leave me tons of comments now!!!

the golden arches

OK, now that I have moved on from the whining about the job thing lets talk about the fast food industry......Who did not love McDonaldsas a kid? Heck, I was raised it on it...But you know the line in one of the Lethal Weapons where Leo is telling Riggs "They f*** you at the drive thru... Truer words have never been spoken. Here are just a few of the things that irritate the crap out of me about this...Feel free to add yours.....


1. The chick taking the order who cannot hear me when I am screaming my order although the person 3 cars back can hear me and probably thinks what kind of pig am I ordering all that food (3 kids remember?) and I am the only one in the car....


2. When I say plain cheeseburger and they say do you want cheese on that? Forcing me to go into....YES, - just meat, cheese, and bread!!!! If I didn't want cheese I would have said a plain hamburger - DUH?


3. When I have to pull up and wait - because you know half the time they forget about you and the other half they are probably sitting in there arguing over who has to take it out to you...


4. and if I just had a dollar for every time I have thought and REALLY wanted to say...(why yes, actually I do want a cappuccino/apple pie, whatever but I wasn't going to tell you I just wanted you to guess...)No, if I wanted that crap I would have ordered it already, but gee thanks for asking.... (I know they are forced by their superiors to ask this probably, but damn isn't it annoying?)


5. When they screw up your order - I mean it really doesn't seem like rocket science - Chicken nuggets - check .....fries....check....

6. When they close the window on you and ignore you when you want something else...Like sauce you forgot to put in the bag....or a freaking straw for my drink maybe? Then everyone else behind you is all antsy because they are thinking why won't that lady go on she got her food already........

7. When they ask if the happy meal toy is for a boy or girl....You tell them and then get home and they gave you the wrong one....prompting a round of crying from kid which of course is futile trying to reason with said kid about the fact that it is only a cheap toy..you went for the food, not the toy,you are sorry and not going back, etc... blah, blah blah....making you really want to drive all the way back and shove wrong toy up their nose?

Just kidding Mcd's employees/former employees...please don't spit on my food...but can't we all relate?....Words of wisdom...ALWAYS check it before you pull away....(course most of you already know that one) So on a positive note here ....when months from now I am possibly begging to be employed by said establishment I promise to try and do better by you guys...

Does anybody have an electric cattle prod?

Because if you do please let me know I am gonna jam Drama Queen very hard in the butt with it....Is that child abuse?

Wednesday afternoon was one of those days.....You know the kind in which when you even look at them they are disgusted with you, and you have wronged them by having the nerve to give birth to them and not treat them in the royal manner which they think they deserve....

This past weekend I gave her $40 bucks to spend (which I have still not yet received my change from) to cover a trip to the mall with friends and eating out with said friends on Friday.....(Also was nice enough to let her off the hook for swim practice) then Sat. took her to Little Rock with me to see future daughter in law's wedding dress and the bridesmaid dress she will wear in my step-son's wedding - this also involved a trip to the Olive Garden and we all had a very good time (Also letting her off the hook again for Sat. swim practice) so I am thinking I should have been nominated for mother of the year (yeah I know it's early in the year)....

Then as if that wasn't enough I also agree to let her go to a Taylor Swift concert in April which will of course require another hundred bucks ($50 for the ticket, eating out, and I'm sure a t-shirt)... and so naturally I think I deserve some stuff in return.. (a foot rub, a "mom your the best", breakfast in bed, yeah OK then I woke up from that dream....) like maybe pick up your freakin dirty underwear out of the floor, fold the clothes and put them away (I mean I did sort them and wash them for you) basically help me when I tell you too without the sighing and attitude that may very well land me in jail one day (after I beat the everloving crap out of her)....and will make her famous on Jerry Springer one day telling her story... (hopefully, she won't be asking for Jerry beads...) am I being unreasonable here people?

The allowance thing never works for us because she would always have a negative deficit -spending more in one weekend then her allowance would be.....I know I really should go dragon on her and make her sit her spoiled butt at home, but she is (basically) a good kid and does make good grades.....(Oh crap - I'm going soft again somebody snap me out of it...) so anybody got any suggestions if they don't have a cattle prod? I think she really needs to be sent away to a homeless shelter or something to appreciate what she has...

P.S. Did I mention where I am going this weekend?.....Oh yeah - good times - driving 4 1/2 hours to Fayetteville to watch drama queen swim two events at a swim meet....which will cost me two nights hotel, gas, food, and whatever else she can con me out of... and she has the nerve to get mad if I get on to her about not doing her best (yes, at times I am one of those crazed parents who make the sport "not fun" because I actually expect her to put forth some effort) since I am putting forth the effort and $$$ taking her to practice and meets...So I am sure after a weekend together I will have plenty of material for next week's blog.....ungrateful little urchin that she is.... Maybe one day I will let her do a guest post on my blog to vent about how unjust her life is - wouldn't that be fun?

my momentary lapse in judgement is over...

This is for Kaye, who is apparently wise beyond her years and commented this re: my last post...."Be strong... it could be a trick. They are all devious...don't let them suck you in.... " and Milena...who also knew the last post was so NOT me.....

they were right..... so much for the temporary sweetness of the 2 yr. old. This morning in bed when he woke up the conversation went like this:

Me: Can I have a kiss please?
2yr.old: NO!!!
Me: Why
2yr. old: Me no like kisses
Me: please....
2yr.old (in the angry mean voice) SHUT UP...
Me: That is not nice .....say... Be quiet please mommy
2 yr. old: Be quiet please mommy
Me: ok, that is nicer
2 yr. old: SHUT UP.....

So then just because I am mean like that I kissed him anyway - and he immediately let out a blood curdling scream and started wiping his face...

Maybe he's just not gonna be a morning person....

kittens and rainbows

This is the rare "kittens, rainbows, and warm fuzzies" post you will not normally get from me - because that is just so not me.....However, indulge me this once....Probably because it's hard to remember the drama queen being sweet so I figure I better document this to look back on years down the road....


The other night I couldn't sleep so after laying there awhile trying to unsuccessfully force myself to go back to sleep I gave up and went to the living room to read a book on the couch.....About 45 minutes into my reading in that sweet little 2-yr. old voice....MaMa............Mama .........(Now mind you he is of course in our bed and his daddy is right beside him, but apparently cannot hear the screaming - right beside his head) so I wait a few minutes thinking he will realize his daddy is right beside him and go back to sleep...then.....Mama..........Mama.....so I give up, put my book down - head back to the bedroom and climb in the bed....He looks up and says Mama......Hold you Mama...(translated - hold me....) so I snuggled up to him and let him crawl in my arms and said I love you - he said UV you too mama........Can I hear a big ole' AWWWWWW? Almost makes up for the toilet, the microwave, the nail polish on the drama queen's comforter, and the calculator he broke the other day - well it's a good start anyway.....


Don't worry I'm not going soft, I'll be back in full force with the normal "tude" next post......

Do ya have your socks on?

While I was reading about DysdHousewifes morning the other day:check it out...(http://dysdhousewife.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-have-to-be-kidding-me.html) It reminded me of one of our "good" mornings a couple of weeks ago...We were on time and out the door with no complications...(Definitely not our norm...)we get about 3 blocks down the street when the 8 yr. old sweetheart (who is rarely mentioned because he is the fairly calm kid in the bunch who has outgrown flushing stuff down the toilet and has not yet been struck by those awful teenage hormones...) announces:


8 yr. old: "I forgot to put my socks on"
Me: WHAT? How in the hell do you forget to put socks on but, you have shoes on?
(yeah, I know I have a potty mouth -I'll save what the two year old said at daycare for another day...) Well, we will have to turn around and go back and get you some freaking socks...
Drama Queen: NOOOOO, then I will be late....and you should just make him go without...you are so stupid....That's not fair mom now he is making me late, and I'll be tardy - can't you just sign him in late and go ahead and take me....
8 yr. old: She called me stupid
Me: He is not stupid, but he did do a stupid thing.... (and really can drama queen go there? This is the child who honest to god asked me what time the 7:00 movie starts? and she is an honor roll student) and no I am not taking you then coming back home and taking him because then I will have to go home, put on real clothes, comb my hair and such then walk him in the office...(God help me if I ever have a wreck dropping the kids off it will probably be 27 degrees again and I won't have a bra on...)
Drama Queen: Why can't he just go without?
Me: Because it is 27 degrees outside (according to the little temp thingy in the car) and the school will call human services on me if I send a kid to school in this weather with no socks...


I really thought I was doing my job making sure their teeth were brushed, deodorant was applied, and hair was combed (although I have actually missed that one before in our hurry) but now we have to have sock check in the morning too? jeez.......

The microwave - so easy a 2yr old can do it...

The two year old has taken a break from his toilet flushing hobby and has moved on to "cooking" he has been doing this off and on for a few months, but he is really into it now... This does not bother me (even though it generally entails dragging out several of my clean pots and pans and dragging them across the floor to the living room where he "cooks" on my coffee table) because he is happy, occupied, and doesn't have his finger in a plug-in socket somewhere.....Drives husband crazy because he is all "He is dragging clean pots and pans out everywhere...they DO NOT belong in the living room - yeah, whatever take a pill or something....I am not one to discourage his creative play (that sounded all Dr. Spock and everything, didn't it?) and let's be honest, someone might as well be cooking around here.....


So this morning I go to the bathroom and leave him watching Diego then hear the sound of the microwave (and I'm all like huh? is that the microwave?Did it just beep?) OMG can I not even pee or crap in peace? I mean give me a minute here....for just a second!?! - (sorry I know TMI ) so I get up and in the kitchen I find Rhett standing on a blue plastic storage bin turned upside down with a kitchen towel in the microwave. Since he only hit the 30 second button it was already "cooked"...I start screaming NOOOOOO! Especially when I see what is in the other hand just waiting to be next......a battery (Where in god's name did that come from?)...Can you even fathom what that explosion would have been like? Definitely would have got my butt off the toilet quickly.....So when I say WHAT ARE YOU DOING? get away from the microwave.... He looks up and calmly says "Me cooking supper...." - Thanks son for taking care of that for me.....maybe for desert we will have a dump truck or Handy Manny's measuring tape.....

the present - part 3

So where am I now? after almost 5 months I still have lots of hate in my heart (yes, I have prayed about this, but it is still there - so anyone else is welcome to pray for me too) I still wish violent things on the doc and TBSJSB (picture an anvil falling from the sky Wily E Coyote style)- I know I shouldn't and I firmly believe in karma, but I can't help it. My life feels ruined at times (which again is such an overreaction - and I call the teenager in the house the drama queen - wonder where she gets it?) because I have so many positive things in my life- but, I was dreaming of buying a new house this year (again I know - be thankful I have one to begin with) and guess what - can't do that jobless...Plus I specialized so finding a job in my speciality is pretty damn tough when there is only one OB doc in a 40 mile radius...


I am bitter because even though I know we control our own destinies I feel like he ruined mine - I spent thousands of dollars (never knew just how much a master's cost - it ain't pretty people) and lots of time getting my nurse practitioner license and Why? it isn't helping me now - I spent 4 months in Dallas in school away from my husband and kids - also I don't want to change my way of life - it's just not fair (again yeah, I know life's not fair) I still have my RN license to fall back on but, that's not what I am anymore - I didn't work my ass off to get thru school to go back to that (Not that I am in ANYWAY dissing RN's - more so the shift work, holidays, etc....I have lots of close friends that are nurses) but more than anything I was doing a job I loved and I don't want to settle for one I dread going to everyday just to pay the bills (I know some people can't even find a job in this economy - so again be thankful - but hey this is my pity party)so I have been waiting on my perfect job to fall in my lap - which hasn't happened - and yes, I am beginning to see the light it ain't gonna....So anyone got any job suggestions for me? Words of encouragement? Know someone who will bust TBSJSB's knee caps? (JK - I am unemployed remember - I can't afford to pay someone to do that)- I prefer job suggestions do not involve nudity nor dancing - because rest assured I need to make money and no one in their right mind would pay to see that...McDonald's is usually hiring I know, but that falls way short of my normal salary I need to pay the bills...

Fortunately, my last temporary job (I worked Sept. thru Dec - grant funded - ended at the end of the year) should be starting back up soon and that will be income again...although I was originally told we would probably start back up the end of January and the most recent news was it maybe March. In the meantime guess I am being an unemployed bum.....That is unless I go thru all my savings and you see me at the drive thru asking if you want some fries with that...If I get commission or something I'll probably be begging you to buy one of those damn apple pies too.....

a little history - part 2

Ok this is a long one - but the real nitty gritty here - so grab a coke and have a seat - Fast forward to May of 08 we have a contract in place which includes vacation/sick days per year, continuing education, holidays, etc....Now nowhere is it mentioned in the contract about accruing vacation days only x amount per year...I even have my prescriptive authority he wanted me to get...I decide in May to have PRK (vision correction) surgery done - I was told I would need to be off just a few days for this so I schedule myself off on a Thursday (since I already had Friday's off) and figure with the weekend to recuperate I will be back at work on Monday. No, not that simple - I have complications from hell and can't see stuff right in front of my face must less read a chart or do an ultrasound so I have to call in and take an extra week (which I of course had a doctors excuse for from the surgeon) I go back just expecting to be fired again - because I mean hell, if he fired me for taking too long after a funeral who knows- but he was as nice as he could be and didn't give me any problems....Since I didn't take anymore time off during the summer I have like 10 vacation days left until...


August 08 - trip planned to Michigan to watch my kids compete in the Jr. Olympics (plane tickets purchased) I decided to take an extra day off and talked to the receptionists about it since they handled the scheduling and would need to know in advance to book light...before I can talk to the doc about it one of the receptionists apparently mentions it to him...So he comes to me and says - I think you have already taken too much time off this year and now you want an extra day - I have decided I want to terminate our contract and just go back to paying you a daily rate....I said so "Basically you just don't want me to have vacation or any benefits" - he says Yes, right...I said well, I don't know...He says well, this is what I have decided to do (basically like it or lump it - end of discussion).....so I go on vacation and decide not to let it run my vacation and not worry about it....

I get back - busy day in the office - he is late (as usual) charts are stacked up, waiting room is full....He calls me in his office and says Well, I don't think - No, I know - I am not going to need you anymore at the end of the 30 days.....I am in shock - I can't say anything but Ok? because I am not one to beg..Then the SOB has the nerve to say -and, I have an appointment this morning so I will need you to see the rest of the morning patients....(WTF - You are kidding right?, where the hell is candid camera hiding? - you just fired me and you want me to do you a favor?!?) He leaves and I loose it....I shut my office door, call my husband and the bawling begins....He says well, what do you want to do? I said I want to get my shit and walk out. He said well, fired is fired so if that is what you want to do - do it.....So, after I wipe all the snot from my nose, try to quit crying and clean up all the mascara I go out front and tell the receptionists "I am sick - and I am going home" they look at me like I was speaking a foreign language - so I repeat it with "you will have to reschedule all these patients"....I pack my shit and go home....


Fast forward 2 hours and doc calls me on my cell and says "Why did you leave the office?" I say - well, I am sick (since I feel like I have been drop-kicked in the stomach) he replies - well you weren't sick this morning....I said No, I wasn't until you fired me, but I could not go in and see patients crying, and feeling like I was going to puke....I honestly am in shock and pretty upset" He said well, I don't know why you are surprised I mean you were always late, and you just don't seem motivated, and you just took an extra day off and didn't even ask my permission - and you have taken all this time off you haven't accrued.....I said - You are right, I am late (anyone who knows me knows I am late for everything -)but since I am salaried I also frequently work into my lunch, and stay late seeing patients so I feel like that evens out - I have always been very productive (to which he says Yes, you have) patients like me (some of which would in fact rather have seen me - so HA) and we talked about that extra day - you knew about it...and my contract does not say anything about accruing vacation time...He says yes, but you didn't ASK for the extra day off....He asks if I am coming back at all and I say I don't know....


After consulting with an attorney I am advised if I don't go back I am essentially breaking our contract by not fulfilling my 30 days notice, and that may hurt me when people ask for a reference (like I want someone who fired me providing a reference?)plus that is at least a couple more weeks I would get paid for so I decide to use the rest (5 days) of my vacation/sick time and call in sick the next 5 days - I mean it wasn't like he was gonna pay me for them, and it took me 5 days to calm down and decide I could go back without bursting into tears (which I REALLY didn't want to do) I go back and he is as nice as can be - even says "thank you for coming back" so I delude myself into thinking maybe this will end up like last time and at the end of the 30 days he will decide to do the part-time thing or whatever again...At the end of the 30 days - dumb SOB doesn't even realize it (He is the one that gave me the notice and he can't look at a calendar and count out 30 days?) he asks me to work a few more days so I do (this I found out later was only because the new nurse practitioner couldn't start then) Somewhere in the last week I find out he had hired someone - none other than my "friend" - the same "friend" who came to our office as a student, who I had worked with at the hospital when I was an RN, the one I provided a reference for when she was job-hunting...the one who called me when he offered her a job before....She is now known as TBSJSB (the back-stabbing job stealing b**ch) - I know some people may not agree with this because if I was fired it wasn't my job anymore - but, he probably would have kept me on and done the part-time thing again etc - if it wasn't for her - plus it's my blog - if you don't like it too bad..


TBSJSB was not a "good friend" we didn't have lunch, or talk on the phone regularly, but I did consider her a friend - and in my opinion if she had any decency she should have called me and let me know what was going on (not that she needed my permission to take the job - but remember she did call me the last time) so I would have appreciated it if she had the balls to say - Look, he called and offered me this job, and I wanted you to know I am considering it - It is a good offer - or whatever....but instead she avoids me and does not make eye contact if she sees me now - Which is a very good thing for her because I do at time have anger management issues and have a whole speech ready in my head I plan on screaming at her if she dares speak to me (which she should not do in a public place because I am sure it will be quite embarrassing for both of us) so that leads us to the present....Part 3 tomorrow....

a little history - part 1

I have briefly mentioned that I got fired last year....Now not to sound trite (because I have so many things to be thankful for - a healthy family, my beautiful kids, good friends,a home, and food on the table) but it has been one of - if not the worst thing that has ever happened to me...I had never been fired from anything before in my life...I mean I could understand if I had called in sick all the time (Never did - nope, not once in 4 years until the eye surgery), didn't do my job, was rude to patients or actually harmed a patient -but I didn't do any of that....Now, I am sure there are two sides to every story - and my former boss might say I was the worst employee he ever had (which since I guess I am the only one he ever fired - yep, he would probably say that) I am hoping that writing about this will be somewhat therapeutic.....Cause since I am jobless I can't afford therapy...this is my side of the story (This is soooo long I will have to tell it in three separate posts - so if anyone cannot stand my misery or whining- skip the next three) after working for him for 4 1/2 years there is lots of history so here goes:

My former boss was a foreign doctor (I am not prejudiced against foreigners of any kind - but some do have a different set of values - so it is relevant) his top priority being MONEY, MONEY, and more MONEY - family coming much lower on the totem pole - This man's wife and kids live an hour a way in Memphis and he sees them on weekends and occasionally during the week- Now I like money as much as the rest of you - in fact LOVE to spend it - just ask hubby...But my kids and family are actually my top priority - I know my kids are only little once and this goes by way to fast so I try to be involved in everything they are and I stay active with them...Any of the other girls in the office were always allowed to take off to attend parties with their kids at school or school plays, awards, etc....So I thought this should be ok for me too - but, nope he didn't think so...This ties into when I quit....

I am an only child (previously mentioned brother is a half-brother), as is my mother (small - close family -talk to my mom several times a day)- so when my grandfather died in Dec. of 06 I took 3 days (which is the standard at factories and such) off - this coincided with the New Year's holiday so I was actually off a whole week - when I got back I was called in to doc's office and told he thought I took too long off and he had a new set of "work rules" for me...This included - obtaining my prescriptive authority, beginning to make rounds at the hospital on some weekends (which I was not going to be compensated extra for he told me) and all time off had to be approved 2 weeks in advance, and no more taking off for "family social reasons" only emergencies..also reviewing my work hours etc.....Now I keep it together but I am pissed - My grandfather just died and this is what I come back to? I told doc I would think about it, but didn't think that was going to work - simply because of the extra things he wanted me to do -like rounding without compensation....so we left it at that - when I get home with this story hubby is livid..he tells me to quit immediately - I think about it and decide maybe that is the best - (also because he had not given me the raise I wanted after 2 years either) so I go in the next Monday and turn in my 30 days notice (required by my contract) he is shocked I think....I work my 30 days - and at the end of which (because he could not find anyone else - he offered a friend the job and she called me, told me about it, and turned him down because of the rate of pay)he says would you consider staying on part-time so I agree and agree for him to basically pay me a set daily rate - which ends up being the raise I wanted to begin with....So this goes on for a long while and all is well..I even obtain my prescriptive authority like he wanted - but no more mention is made of the doing rounds...We decide to go back to a contract and re-sign one later on.....which leads to part 2....Stay tuned...I know ya'll can hardly wait.....

im from tha ghetto

I have been reluctant too post about this because I did not want to offend anyone, but what the hell....(Plus it's hard to top toliet fun) but now I have decided I want some opinion's here so ya'll drop a comment whether I was wrong or not....Here goes...


I joined facebook (FB for simplicity) awhile back because I let teenage drama queen get a FB and I wanted to be able to see what she was doing (cuz I'm nosy an involved parent like that) so in doing so I have collected a few friends and it is fun sometimes to keep up with people from high school, etc....Anyway, so we are both friends with the mom of drama queen's former boyfriend....During the break-up process the mom changed her FB status to something like...WHY is he putting up with drama from HER? to which another friend had made some comments about no girl being worth it, etc....so drama queen comes and tells me (because her feelings are hurt) so I tell her oh that's no big deal (not really believing that is probably what it said)...then I get on FB and sure enough that's what it says...so I think about it...and I am absolutely not one to get involved in teenage drama because it changes too quickly (i.e. the person they hate one minute is their BFF the next - lots of back-stabbing,boyfriend stealing,etc...) but the more I think about it the madder I get, (something along the lines of OH...NO...SHE...DIDN'T..) until in fact I am just plum pissed....Just because it is an adult and my baby's feeling are hurt, so I decide I have to respond so trying to somewhat make light of it I change my status to something like "peeps need to stop talking about MY baby because there are two sides to every story" - childish - perhaps, but I felt the need to be mama bear protecting her cub....Was this wrong? was I just being antagonizing? JA (the jackass - my husband, remember?) says that was stupid, I need to stay out of it and I am acting jr. high and on top of that I sound like I am from the ghetto talking about "peeps"...this starts a round between us about me simply taking up for her and how he disagrees...we finally decide to agree to disagree (translation - he will not admit I am right he is wrong)...


In the end....the mom saw my status and sent me a message that she was not talking about drama queen but possibly a friend of her's that had called her son and was basically giving him grief on the phone (I did know that one of drama queen's friends had done this - again - jr. high - good times..)....so it was all just a big misunderstanding that was straightened out with no harm done...but did I do the right thing or was I setting a bad example? Go ahead, comment, you won't hurt my feelings (too much)...This did also bring home the point of what assuming does (makes an ass of U and me - right?) since drama queen just assumed she was been talked about...

Toliet fun

The walking-talking temper tantrum has a new hobby....putting things in the toliet and flushing them...Now, I know most kids do this at some time or another - but my other kids were not quite as fascinated by this as he is... Nor were they as stubborn...Rhett has gotten in trouble for this before, but nothing on the magnitude of this....Tuesday night teenage drama queen says "Oooo Mom you better come see what Rhett has done" so I go to the bathroom to find Handy Manny's saw, a battery, and part of a dump truck in the toliet bowl...To which I promptly say..."Len, can you come here......" Sorry, call me sexist, lazy, whatever, but unless I am the only one home I ain't digging in the toliet bowl, that sounds like manly man work to me.... This is what Len easily collected from the toliet bowl:

Now what couldn't so easily be removed:

Yep, that is a dump truck peeking out of the toliet....So after much screaming and several words that would make a sailor blush...Len goes to work....

After even more words that would make a sailor blush....and some more.....yep, and a few more....VICTORY....

and yes, for those of you observant ones that WAS (notice the past tense) my kitchen tongs...In hindsight it probably was not helpful that drama queen and I were trying very hard not to laugh our a**es off - her because she knew she could get beat or grounded, me because I knew he would get even more mad and probably say screw it get it out yourself....But come on how can you not find humor in that (unless I guess you are the one digging around in the toliet bowl....)

So after that you would think I might be a little more observant when Rhett is around right, yeah, well yesterday morning while reading blogs, checking my email, ignoring my 2 yr old while he was supposed to be watching cartoons, I hear a flush and he says it's gone.....Not a good sign, I jumped up and yelled NO, get out of the bathroom, What is gone?" to which I never got an answer and apparently what if anything is long gone now....wonder what else Handy Manny might be missing?...He also has developed a fondness for throwing things in the trash, which is where I found a clean pair of my underwear that disappeared while I was folding clothes....Good times people, Good times.....

Haircut remorse...

Haven't we all been there? Come on, admit it - a poodle perm or maybe a little too much sun-in? at some time or another we have all had a hairdo we would rather forget (I cannot say this for my 90's hair - I LOVE big hair - and keep hoping it will make a come back - which looks as if it will never happen...hey, a girl can dream) I am currently sporting my most recent (I do not want to mislead you that this is a first, but just the most recent) bad hair decision.....I had a wild hair that I would get my hair cut on Sunday. A very good friend of mine does my hair and also my mother's....So while she was coloring mom's I figured what the hell I will get a hair cut (I really must find a hobby, because I attribute this to shear boredom - my hair didn't really need to be cut) As I thumb thru some haircut magazines and pick out all the ones that will never work for my hair because all those models have thick, full hair and mine is thin and flat I stumble on one that is cute, so I say how bout this one, friend says yeah, and we could even go shorter if you want.


Now I must say I am not one of those people who goes and gets a cut then sets and cries about it or refuses to leave the house if they don't like it, because anyone who knows me will tell you I am one of the most laid back people in the world...(House is on fire, well, oh, okay let's pack a few things and go - Someone's bleeding? Eh, apply a little pressure and get the superglue...anyway...you get my point....) so I figured it's just hair right? Why not?


Why not? What the hell was I thinking? I am so not loving the new do....This is of course not at all my friend's fault and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings because hey I am the one that asked (hell, and even paid for) the haircut, so I really have no one to blame but myself right? Yeah, yea me...I am an idiot...I do not like change - I am the person who rearranges her furniture and then puts it right back where it was (just ask the husband he got in on this fun at Christmas) so the haircut is a change, not even a positive one at this point.....It did look cute after she finished fixing it but I need remedial styling lessons. I absolutely cannot use a round brush without getting the damn thing stuck in my hair. So my point is since there is a waiting period to buy a gun how about a waiting period before drastic haircuts or anything more than just a trim which entails cutting off more than an inch or two...Did I mention how SLOW my hair grows? Yeah, I know it will grow...in a year or two....Hubby's comment when he saw it "You aren't pregnant are you?" (Which by the way was a total smart-ass question since he has had a vasectomy) to which I replied something like "Bite me"......

Ryder Gage

In other excuses why I have not posted in so long....I have a new nephew...and spent one loooong evening awaiting his arrival, for which I got to be in the delivery room - which is always fun if you aren't the one in pain trying to push out something the size of a watermelon from your vajay-jay....(oops, that was probably a little too graphic for some readers..) But, my future sister-in-law did an awesome job and was quite a trooper (GO, Natty!) He is most possibly the cutest baby ever and even has a head full of hair (which I was jealous of because none of my kids ever did...) I am enjoying this for many reasons:

1. I can spoil him and send him home - I held him sleeping in my arms for a few hours at the hospital - in fact until Len called and said "Put that baby down, come home and spend some time with Rhett and you will remember why we are never having another one" - or something to that effect...
2. I am watching my brother become a very hands-on, loving & caring daddy
3. He is SOOO cute (oops, I mentioned that already didn't I)
4. I absolutely cannot wait to buy him all the shit you hate when people buy your kids (you moms know exactly what I mean: Play-Doh, noisy toys, toys that have two million pieces to be put together....etc......) for which he will love me and my brother and sister-in-law will cuss me...

Yep, being an aunt is gonna be pretty fun.....

dance fever.....NOT

Yes, I did survive the dance..although can you call it a dance if the majority of the night they just stand around? I mean come on it was a DANCE, hence you assume people will do that, especially after you go to the trouble and pay a DJ and all......Which again not to knock someone when I am certainly not saying I could do better, but as a paid DJ could you not try and play some songs that might get them to dance...or I guess you could wait til about 12:05 (when the dance ends at 12:15) and start playing some songs that they all want to dance to...Of course with all those wild teenage hormones (god help all of us who are parents of teens) they all seemed to want to dance to slow songs - and yes, we had people patrolling to make sure no touchy feeling things were going on ...(Can't you see Alex's face turning red as I type this - God, ruining a teenager's life is fun- just kidding Alex - mommy loves you)

Evidence of the NON-dancing is shown below:
See, the picture isn't even blurry...Why? Because there is no movement.....I would have even danced but was under strict orders from the teenage drama queen not to ruin her party and embarrass her so I tried to stay under control even though I wanted to really bad...

All in all I think they had a good time.....NOT DANCING.....