the present - part 3

So where am I now? after almost 5 months I still have lots of hate in my heart (yes, I have prayed about this, but it is still there - so anyone else is welcome to pray for me too) I still wish violent things on the doc and TBSJSB (picture an anvil falling from the sky Wily E Coyote style)- I know I shouldn't and I firmly believe in karma, but I can't help it. My life feels ruined at times (which again is such an overreaction - and I call the teenager in the house the drama queen - wonder where she gets it?) because I have so many positive things in my life- but, I was dreaming of buying a new house this year (again I know - be thankful I have one to begin with) and guess what - can't do that jobless...Plus I specialized so finding a job in my speciality is pretty damn tough when there is only one OB doc in a 40 mile radius...


I am bitter because even though I know we control our own destinies I feel like he ruined mine - I spent thousands of dollars (never knew just how much a master's cost - it ain't pretty people) and lots of time getting my nurse practitioner license and Why? it isn't helping me now - I spent 4 months in Dallas in school away from my husband and kids - also I don't want to change my way of life - it's just not fair (again yeah, I know life's not fair) I still have my RN license to fall back on but, that's not what I am anymore - I didn't work my ass off to get thru school to go back to that (Not that I am in ANYWAY dissing RN's - more so the shift work, holidays, etc....I have lots of close friends that are nurses) but more than anything I was doing a job I loved and I don't want to settle for one I dread going to everyday just to pay the bills (I know some people can't even find a job in this economy - so again be thankful - but hey this is my pity party)so I have been waiting on my perfect job to fall in my lap - which hasn't happened - and yes, I am beginning to see the light it ain't gonna....So anyone got any job suggestions for me? Words of encouragement? Know someone who will bust TBSJSB's knee caps? (JK - I am unemployed remember - I can't afford to pay someone to do that)- I prefer job suggestions do not involve nudity nor dancing - because rest assured I need to make money and no one in their right mind would pay to see that...McDonald's is usually hiring I know, but that falls way short of my normal salary I need to pay the bills...

Fortunately, my last temporary job (I worked Sept. thru Dec - grant funded - ended at the end of the year) should be starting back up soon and that will be income again...although I was originally told we would probably start back up the end of January and the most recent news was it maybe March. In the meantime guess I am being an unemployed bum.....That is unless I go thru all my savings and you see me at the drive thru asking if you want some fries with that...If I get commission or something I'll probably be begging you to buy one of those damn apple pies too.....