that tag is on there for a reason

No, not that stupid one on your pillows - I have no idea why that one is there....and, I know the 2yr. old is all I talk about (other than griping about drama queen sometimes) but I have to tell ya'll what he did yesterday morning.....


I turned on cartoons, as is the routine whenever you want to accomplish anything without the "help" of the 2yr. old. This does not always work, but occasionally - I guess if Max and Ruby or Dora has a truly intriguing storyline that day.....Anyway....I do this and then go to get in the shower. I leave the door open so I can hear any loud crashes or microwave explosions, and so he can come in from time to time and see what I am doing (you know, open the shower curtain and proceed to get the floor wet) also because I am smarter than hubby (who, while I was gone for the weekend shut the bathroom door while attempting his shower which totally led to the 2yr. old running amuck and "cooking" with a large pan, a spray can of butter flavored Pam spray and an entire bottle of spices - yep, that was a mess, and yep I laughed my butt off)


So he is in the bathroom with me and decides to play with the hairdryer....NEVER doubt the manual dexterity of a small child.....he turns on the hairdryer and starts blowing his hair then says "do you momma"....I know what that tag says about warning children about death by electrical shock, but I don't think the 2yr. old grasps that yet.....I am yelling at him to turn it off (before he drops it in the shower) but he can't so proceeds to bring it to me (yep, still in the shower) I manage to stick my arm out of the shower and grab a hold of it by the handle before that happens and turn it off... so lesson learned unplug the hairdryer before taking a bath/shower in a house with a 2yr. old....

Nope, it's never boring round here......

Forget pork, Motorola Razor is what's for dinner...

I will admit, I am a little (OK, maybe more than a little) scatterbrained at times. If I do not set my keys in one of two designated areas whenever I come in they are completely lost and I will spend lots of time I don't have (because remember, I am late for everything) searching for them.....So this morning my cell phone goes missing.....

The frustrating thing about this is I used it this morning.....So, I know the ringer is turned on because a friend called me on it....So, I start my normal routine of using the home phone and calling it - which doesn't work.....So, I get Drama Queen's cell phone and walk all around the house calling it, which doesn't work.....Then, I go outside to the car and call it with Drama Queen's cell phone - thinking maybe it fell between the seats when I took the 2yr old to the babysitters.....So since it hasn't rang anywhere in the house I go to the toilet to make sure (I mean - 2 yr. old has mostly quit doing that - but, hey you never know....) fortunately it wasn't there....

I go ahead and call the husband, and my mom and tell them if they need me call Drama Queen's cell cause I can't find mine.....Now, I am not that popular of a person that I get tons of cell calls, but there is something comforting about having it, in fact I feel like inevitably something bad will happen if I don't have it (sick kid at school, car crash, the possibilities are endless.....) I did not worry about this quite as much with my former beloved gas guzzling Suburban because I had OnStar, but with this crappy Camry no OnStar (but I digress....) so I am starting to get ticked (of course a few fantasies about a new phone are running thru my head, but that would cost too much...)especially since I need to make a few phone calls, but the numbers are of course stored in my cell....I finally decide 2yr. old must have taken it to the babysitters (he likes to put stuff in his pockets...)or maybe I put it in his bag by accident....So logically just call the sitter and check right? - Nope her number is stored in missing cell phone.....So I have to call mom to call her mom (you can tell by now I am really having fun) but it doesn't seem to be there either.....

By this time I am thinking about all the stuff on my phone I will have to try to get again since it is just so obviously gone...(all the numbers that will have to be stored after of course I get half the numbers again...) and I know being an intelligent person with a college degree that it did not grow legs and walk off.....so for some strange reason (like when you have exhausted all possibilities looking for something and start looking the dumb places like the refrigerator) I pick up the lid on my pot on the coffee table (who knew the 2yr. old really only wanted a set of Kitchen Aid pots and pans for Christmas - not all those toys and crap...) and there of course is my cell phone. Apparently, cell service does not work inside metal pots with lids.....Obviously 2yr. old was once again taking care of tonight's dinner plans....Thanks again, son for that little bit of crazy we call "life at our house" this morning......

P.S. For those of you who have been trying to leave me comments I have totally jacked something up and I have no idea what I have done or better yet how in the he** to fix it, I have this cute new header I made and all kinds of fancy stuff to dress the blog up a little and none of it will work either, so keep trying to comment maybe at some point I will get it fixed, cause I do so enjoy ya'll's comments.....

P.S.S. I think I fixed it - You can leave me tons of comments now!!!

the golden arches

OK, now that I have moved on from the whining about the job thing lets talk about the fast food industry......Who did not love McDonaldsas a kid? Heck, I was raised it on it...But you know the line in one of the Lethal Weapons where Leo is telling Riggs "They f*** you at the drive thru... Truer words have never been spoken. Here are just a few of the things that irritate the crap out of me about this...Feel free to add yours.....


1. The chick taking the order who cannot hear me when I am screaming my order although the person 3 cars back can hear me and probably thinks what kind of pig am I ordering all that food (3 kids remember?) and I am the only one in the car....


2. When I say plain cheeseburger and they say do you want cheese on that? Forcing me to go into....YES, - just meat, cheese, and bread!!!! If I didn't want cheese I would have said a plain hamburger - DUH?


3. When I have to pull up and wait - because you know half the time they forget about you and the other half they are probably sitting in there arguing over who has to take it out to you...


4. and if I just had a dollar for every time I have thought and REALLY wanted to say...(why yes, actually I do want a cappuccino/apple pie, whatever but I wasn't going to tell you I just wanted you to guess...)No, if I wanted that crap I would have ordered it already, but gee thanks for asking.... (I know they are forced by their superiors to ask this probably, but damn isn't it annoying?)


5. When they screw up your order - I mean it really doesn't seem like rocket science - Chicken nuggets - check .....fries....check....

6. When they close the window on you and ignore you when you want something else...Like sauce you forgot to put in the bag....or a freaking straw for my drink maybe? Then everyone else behind you is all antsy because they are thinking why won't that lady go on she got her food already........

7. When they ask if the happy meal toy is for a boy or girl....You tell them and then get home and they gave you the wrong one....prompting a round of crying from kid which of course is futile trying to reason with said kid about the fact that it is only a cheap toy..you went for the food, not the toy,you are sorry and not going back, etc... blah, blah blah....making you really want to drive all the way back and shove wrong toy up their nose?

Just kidding Mcd's employees/former employees...please don't spit on my food...but can't we all relate?....Words of wisdom...ALWAYS check it before you pull away....(course most of you already know that one) So on a positive note here ....when months from now I am possibly begging to be employed by said establishment I promise to try and do better by you guys...

Does anybody have an electric cattle prod?

Because if you do please let me know I am gonna jam Drama Queen very hard in the butt with it....Is that child abuse?

Wednesday afternoon was one of those days.....You know the kind in which when you even look at them they are disgusted with you, and you have wronged them by having the nerve to give birth to them and not treat them in the royal manner which they think they deserve....

This past weekend I gave her $40 bucks to spend (which I have still not yet received my change from) to cover a trip to the mall with friends and eating out with said friends on Friday.....(Also was nice enough to let her off the hook for swim practice) then Sat. took her to Little Rock with me to see future daughter in law's wedding dress and the bridesmaid dress she will wear in my step-son's wedding - this also involved a trip to the Olive Garden and we all had a very good time (Also letting her off the hook again for Sat. swim practice) so I am thinking I should have been nominated for mother of the year (yeah I know it's early in the year)....

Then as if that wasn't enough I also agree to let her go to a Taylor Swift concert in April which will of course require another hundred bucks ($50 for the ticket, eating out, and I'm sure a t-shirt)... and so naturally I think I deserve some stuff in return.. (a foot rub, a "mom your the best", breakfast in bed, yeah OK then I woke up from that dream....) like maybe pick up your freakin dirty underwear out of the floor, fold the clothes and put them away (I mean I did sort them and wash them for you) basically help me when I tell you too without the sighing and attitude that may very well land me in jail one day (after I beat the everloving crap out of her)....and will make her famous on Jerry Springer one day telling her story... (hopefully, she won't be asking for Jerry beads...) am I being unreasonable here people?

The allowance thing never works for us because she would always have a negative deficit -spending more in one weekend then her allowance would be.....I know I really should go dragon on her and make her sit her spoiled butt at home, but she is (basically) a good kid and does make good grades.....(Oh crap - I'm going soft again somebody snap me out of it...) so anybody got any suggestions if they don't have a cattle prod? I think she really needs to be sent away to a homeless shelter or something to appreciate what she has...

P.S. Did I mention where I am going this weekend?.....Oh yeah - good times - driving 4 1/2 hours to Fayetteville to watch drama queen swim two events at a swim meet....which will cost me two nights hotel, gas, food, and whatever else she can con me out of... and she has the nerve to get mad if I get on to her about not doing her best (yes, at times I am one of those crazed parents who make the sport "not fun" because I actually expect her to put forth some effort) since I am putting forth the effort and $$$ taking her to practice and meets...So I am sure after a weekend together I will have plenty of material for next week's blog.....ungrateful little urchin that she is.... Maybe one day I will let her do a guest post on my blog to vent about how unjust her life is - wouldn't that be fun?

my momentary lapse in judgement is over...

This is for Kaye, who is apparently wise beyond her years and commented this re: my last post...."Be strong... it could be a trick. They are all devious...don't let them suck you in.... " and Milena...who also knew the last post was so NOT me.....

they were right..... so much for the temporary sweetness of the 2 yr. old. This morning in bed when he woke up the conversation went like this:

Me: Can I have a kiss please?
2yr.old: NO!!!
Me: Why
2yr. old: Me no like kisses
Me: please....
2yr.old (in the angry mean voice) SHUT UP...
Me: That is not nice .....say... Be quiet please mommy
2 yr. old: Be quiet please mommy
Me: ok, that is nicer
2 yr. old: SHUT UP.....

So then just because I am mean like that I kissed him anyway - and he immediately let out a blood curdling scream and started wiping his face...

Maybe he's just not gonna be a morning person....

kittens and rainbows

This is the rare "kittens, rainbows, and warm fuzzies" post you will not normally get from me - because that is just so not me.....However, indulge me this once....Probably because it's hard to remember the drama queen being sweet so I figure I better document this to look back on years down the road....


The other night I couldn't sleep so after laying there awhile trying to unsuccessfully force myself to go back to sleep I gave up and went to the living room to read a book on the couch.....About 45 minutes into my reading in that sweet little 2-yr. old voice....MaMa............Mama .........(Now mind you he is of course in our bed and his daddy is right beside him, but apparently cannot hear the screaming - right beside his head) so I wait a few minutes thinking he will realize his daddy is right beside him and go back to sleep...then.....Mama..........Mama.....so I give up, put my book down - head back to the bedroom and climb in the bed....He looks up and says Mama......Hold you Mama...(translated - hold me....) so I snuggled up to him and let him crawl in my arms and said I love you - he said UV you too mama........Can I hear a big ole' AWWWWWW? Almost makes up for the toilet, the microwave, the nail polish on the drama queen's comforter, and the calculator he broke the other day - well it's a good start anyway.....


Don't worry I'm not going soft, I'll be back in full force with the normal "tude" next post......

Do ya have your socks on?

While I was reading about DysdHousewifes morning the other day:check it out...(http://dysdhousewife.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-have-to-be-kidding-me.html) It reminded me of one of our "good" mornings a couple of weeks ago...We were on time and out the door with no complications...(Definitely not our norm...)we get about 3 blocks down the street when the 8 yr. old sweetheart (who is rarely mentioned because he is the fairly calm kid in the bunch who has outgrown flushing stuff down the toilet and has not yet been struck by those awful teenage hormones...) announces:


8 yr. old: "I forgot to put my socks on"
Me: WHAT? How in the hell do you forget to put socks on but, you have shoes on?
(yeah, I know I have a potty mouth -I'll save what the two year old said at daycare for another day...) Well, we will have to turn around and go back and get you some freaking socks...
Drama Queen: NOOOOO, then I will be late....and you should just make him go without...you are so stupid....That's not fair mom now he is making me late, and I'll be tardy - can't you just sign him in late and go ahead and take me....
8 yr. old: She called me stupid
Me: He is not stupid, but he did do a stupid thing.... (and really can drama queen go there? This is the child who honest to god asked me what time the 7:00 movie starts? and she is an honor roll student) and no I am not taking you then coming back home and taking him because then I will have to go home, put on real clothes, comb my hair and such then walk him in the office...(God help me if I ever have a wreck dropping the kids off it will probably be 27 degrees again and I won't have a bra on...)
Drama Queen: Why can't he just go without?
Me: Because it is 27 degrees outside (according to the little temp thingy in the car) and the school will call human services on me if I send a kid to school in this weather with no socks...


I really thought I was doing my job making sure their teeth were brushed, deodorant was applied, and hair was combed (although I have actually missed that one before in our hurry) but now we have to have sock check in the morning too? jeez.......